Helping manage anxiety

As a follow on from my previous article on anxiety, I wanted to share practical ways we can help reduce anxiety in our children, but some might even work for us too. What can we do to help? This list is by no means exhaustive but it is a start.

Be aware of and manage your own anxiety

This is so important. We need to be aware of how we are framing the goings on around us because that is intricately linked with how our children view their world. Choose words carefully and avoid exposing your own anxiety unnecessarily to your children.

Develop a healthy locus of control

One of the ways we can reduce anxiety is to evaluate what is in our control and what is not. Whilst things out of our control can create anxiety, they can also shed anxiety once we realise we have no control over the outcome. Helping children to “see” this can also help them to let things go. Some things we can control: what we eat, who we spend time with, how to react….Some things we can’t control: how others react, what happens with the pandemic and how school turns out every day…

Teach your child to assess their own sense of risk

Another way that we can help children feel less anxious is to talk them through the steps that lead to their worry and thereby help them to “see” that they can let it go.
For instance, if a child is worrying that their toy will break if you are holding it:

First, we can help them to open up about why that worries them and help them to voice what it is that they are scared of (e.g. losing their favorite toy/ not being able to sleep with it tonight if it breaks etc). Second, we can help them to see that they can trust us to look after the toy and that it will be returned to them later on, in one piece.

The same goes for when they are exploring - on the jungle gym for example - and they are doing something dangerous. Reflect to them that it makes you a little uncomfortable and ask them if they feel safe. This helps them to learn how to take risks in safe ways, which reduces anxiety in the long run.

Have ground rules and be consistent in applying them

This provides a child with so much security as their world is more predictable when we are consistent. It also helps them to learn their own boundaries, and thereby develop a sense of what is ‘normal’ and acceptable in your family system.

Maintain social connections

This is especially true for children who are extroverted and perhaps have no other social interaction with children of a similar age during lockdown. Arrange play dates in ways that reduce risk (e.g. a car play date in a parking lot) and use technology to help your children stay connected. This can reduce anxiety by helping your child feel connected to the outside world.

Talk about the physical symptoms of anxiety

For some children, this might be helpful to illuminate what anxiety does to the body… “Anxiety makes our hearts race, our tummies sore, our palms sweaty” and so on.

Seek help when it is needed

When you feel that nothing else is helping to reduce the anxiety in your lives and it is impacting your child’s ability to function to their potential, seek help with your local health care provider or psychologist.